Restoration Invitation: Disconnected to Reconnected
Restoration Invitation is a bite-size invitation to restore your untapped potential and find balance within your mind, body, and soul for deeper more transformative growth and healing
Much like a bear in winter seeks a deep, restorative slumber, your nervous system can enter into a sort of hibernation, which I call Grounded & Immobilized (see image in Google Drive to review). When you find yourself in this hibernative state, I invite you to begin by asking: does this state seem appropriate or proportionate to me?
Though this may not apply to you, I have noticed myself in a hibernative state when my rest is not deeply restorative. Initially, this feels like being placed in a depressive, bummy time-out corner. Even once I consider how shutting down might be my nervous system’s protective, adaptive response, I still have the waking up to do after shutting down. So how do you inch out of that time-out corner, so you don’t end up stuck there?
In the video, I lead you through some skills for waking up below, and I invite you, as you try them on, to notice and explore these questions:
What do I notice about the energy of my mind and body when I try out this skill?
How might my breath or movement meet or respond to the energy I’m noticing arising?
Does the energy feel as if it is staying at a level of intensity that I can manage? Or would it be kind to consider setting a timer or taking a break?
Do I notice myself aware of my choices? To go slower? To stop altogether? To try something new or different?
Putting it into practice:
Follow along with me in the video to gently invite awakening.
Skills: Joint Rotations, Spinal Movement
Other Skills Modeled: Embodiment, Mindfulness, Self-Compassion, Activation, Distress Tolerance, Awareness, Interoception
Next time: I’ll see you in January, as I sign off for the remainder of 2025. May you be well and may you find deep restorative moments. If you missed our previous newsletters check them out here.
Restoration Invitation: Systems versus States
Restoration Invitation is a bite-size invitation to restore your untapped potential and find balance within your mind, body, and soul for deeper more transformative growth and healing
Systems Versus States
Picture an ocean. On that ocean a storm is raging, and its surface is choppy, foamy chaos. While these threatening conditions continue above, deep below, a gentle, undulating calm resides. This undulating calm is your innermost Self, and like the ocean, your body/mind/spirit can experience states of both chaos and calm simultaneously.
It is possible to be centered in your safety/connection system, while experiencing states of activation/mobilization! When activation energy is present, energy gets re-routed, so these practices below focus on intentionally routing energy back to the safety/connection system.
Acting a fool with you,
Mary Ashley
Putting it into practice:
Use the embedded/below video to practice and experiment with calming practices, finding one that you can fit into your life and routines.
Next time: We’ll find out how you can move towards safety (blue), when you feel (red) disconnected and deactivated (or numb and depressy). If you missed our previous newsletters check them out here.
Restoration Invitation: Self-Preservation: A Love/Hate Relationship
Welcome back! I talked about your body’s systems last time, and I’m coming through as promised to explain the other two. For review, you’ve got three primary systems: (1) safe and connected, (2) activated and mobilized, and (3) grounded and immobilized.
Research shows that when system #1 is your primary mode of operation, you experience health promoting benefits. When systems #2 or #3 are driving your life, you’ll likely experience adverse health factors and some interpersonal complications, too. What’s important is to know that systems 2 or 3 are not “bad,” systems. In fact, you need them to preserve your life! The issues come when you experience chronic activation and/or groundedness. Hence this love/hate relationship with our instinct for self-preservation.
In system #2, your muscles are tensed and ready, and blood is flowing as your heart rate and breathing support that movement and activation. Being mobilized means being ready to move, which could be as simple going from sitting to standing or as intense as fighting off a bear. When this system seems at play, it could mean you are responding to something threatening, dangerous, uncomfortable, unexpected, that you’d like to make go away or get away from. With activation, you might have difficulty empathizing, as your system raises the drawbridge or protect you or keep things out and away.
With your third system, you are grounded and immobilized, as your system distances you from what is stressful or overwhelming. This system is a great assert for times when you cannot leave, fight, or change a stressor. When your immobilization system as operating, you might want space from others or an absence of sensory input. Groundedness can look like rest after a long day of socializing or a loud concert, and it can also look like going through the motions.
My hope and invitation is always to restore your untapped healing sources, and I hope as you explore all three systems, you will remember to consider that you experience these systems in ways that make sense, even if you don’t like what you find. Your body’s systems are not trying to sabotage or undermine your wellbeing. They’re glad you’re starting to speak the same language, so you can work together in healing.
We’re all in this together ; )
Mary Ashley
Putting it into practice: Use the nifty chart above to build your healing potential. When/where/with whom do you feel mobilized and/or activated? When/where/with whom do you feel grounded and/or immobilized?
Restoration Invitation: How you can work with your human nature towards deeper more transformative growth and healing. Follow along on the blog to read previous Restoration Invitations or join the newsletter for up-to-date, more recent invites.
Next time: We’ll explore more nuances like how it is possible to be centered in safety/connection, while experiencing activation/mobilization!
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Next time: We’ll explore more nuances like how it is possible to be centered in safety/connection, while experiencing activation/mobilization! 〰️
Restoration Invitation: The Body’s Systems
Back to your healing journey! We’ve talked about wanting to get back to safe mode and the importance of learning the body’s language (emotions and sensations), and now we turn to what other systems are at play in your healing process.
The primary emotional systems are (1) safe and connected, (2) activated and mobilized, and (3) grounded and immobilized. When each of these systems are operating most efficiently (considering your particular needs), you operate the majority of the time out of your safe and connected system. We’ll talk more about systems #2 and #3 next time, and for now, let’s tie together your previous learning to build on your ability to notice when you are in system #1: safe and connected.
Safety is not simply the absence of threat, but the felt experience of safe.
Safety is not simply the absence of threat, but the felt experience of safe. Most commonly when your body is centered in safety and connection, you will be open to social contact and interaction. Here you feel mostly relaxed, open, and flexible, and your body’s posture and muscle tone reflect this. Your heart and breathing rates are at ease. Your thinking content might center around curiosity, rather than judgment, as you participate in life moment to moment.
It’s possible you may need to practice noticing these sensations (e.g., open, at ease, lacking tension), to discern if your embodied, felt experience is centered in safe or in the absence of threat. Tip on how to explore and practice this are below, and you’ll just have to wait until I explain more about systems (2) activated and mobilized and (3) grounded and immobilized.
Putting it into practice: What does safe feel like to you? Think of a time, place, or person that you associate with safety. When do you feel most connected to yourself? When do you feel most open to others? Finish this statement: Safety is .
Hoping you feel safe today,
Mary Ashley
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Restoration Invitation: A bite-sized invitation to consider or perhaps reconsider how you can work with your human nature towards deeper more transformative growth and healing. Follow along on the blog to read previous Restoration Invitations or join the newsletter for up-to-date, more recent invites.
Next time: Signs your system is anchored in activation or groundedness in a health-promoting versus a disease-promoting way
Restoration Invitation: The Body’s Language
Did you know your body is communicating with you right now? Your capacity to understand your body’s communication could be what’s keeping you stuck in a cycle you don’t like. The body’s primary languages are sensation and emotion, so let’s explore those.
In this context, sensations are your internal sensory experiences. Words that describe sensation could be relaxed, at ease, aching, broken, loose, tight, light, heavy, tingling, nauseous, numb. Sensations can be noted through sights, sounds, touch, smell, and taste.
When I’m referring to emotions, I’m describing a state that categorizes or labels your body’s sensations, grounded in the felt experience. Some emotion-focused words might be anxious, scared, detached, apathetic, disconnected, bored, joyful, grateful, silly.
Because most of us notice sensation and emotion only when it’s debilitating or intense, we are not connected to the body’s true capacity for healing. When you practice noticing subtle, nuanced sensations and emotions, your ability to communicate with your body grows along with your access to deeper, longer lasting healing.
Hope you feel me with you on this journey,
Mary Ashley
Putting it into practice: Pause for a moment to scan the room with your eyes. Maybe add some movement with your neck to extend your line of sight. Notice if any of the sensation words listed above can help you learn and connect with your body’s sensations.
Look out next month to learn about the three underlying themes within your sensations and emotions.
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Restoration Invitation: Reclaiming Safe
The simplest place to begin in understanding and identifying “safe” starts right here and now and in acknowledging that what feels safe in one moment may change in the next.
Scanning the environment around you—what do you notice about sights, sounds, smells, objects around or within you. Do you feel drawn or confused in any way? Is there anything that might help you to notice more about the space around you? Would moving or wiggling help? Would letting out a heavy sigh?
It’s possible your body’s language is more foreign or unfamiliar to you than your mind’s language (or vice versa). Next time, we’ll talk more about how the body’s language might seem to the mind.
I believe in you!
Mary Ashley
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Restoration Invitation: Hardwired for Safe Mode
This is your Restoration Invitation. A bite-sized invitation to consider or perhaps reconsider how you can work with your human nature towards deeper more transformative growth and healing. Follow along on the blog to read previous Restoration Invitations or join the newsletter for up-to-date, more recent invitations. Here’s our first in the series:
What if I told you that much like a computer has a “safe mode,” so do you? Attachment and relationship research (like that of Bowlby) teaches that humans are innately wired or programmed to believe that relationships should feel safe or secure. In that secure mode, we feel most connected and calm and are more able to give and receive.
For many, relationships do not feel consistent or secure, and you do what makes sense: switch into “unsafe” modes. The good news is you can reconnect to that safe or secure mode. Now, the next question is how.
Happy you’re here,
Mary Ashley
SIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER:
Our newsletter is brought straight to your inbox from a licensed, holistically-minded, and embodied mental health professional (me, Mary Ashley) that occasionally it provides updates about classes/groups, changes, offerings, or events involving Mara Counseling, helping your community stay connected to us and vice versa.
What you need to know about: "It gets worse before it gets better"
It gets worse before it gets better is something many therapists tell clients. We may also say the therapeutic process can be uncomfortable and downright difficult. When we find the junk drawer within our “Self,” we lose the privilege to live blissfully unaware. That means the junk we kept hidden (most likely in means or ways that did not serve our long-term values or Self) enters our conscious awareness. We see it everywhere. In our relationships. In our homes. At work. In our innermost thoughts. In the world.
Being inundated and overwhelmed by insight is a thing. We do our best as therapists to be mindful to taking the therapeutic process of awareness, growth, and healing at a pace the brain can tolerate. Unfortunately, what lies beneath the surface might reveal itself as much bigger than you or your therapist anticipated.
In a book called The Untethered Soul by Michael Alan Singer, I stumbled on a way of describing this phenomenon. Singer explains when we are not living full in the moment or here-and-now (balanced in our mind, body, and spirit), the body and mind accommodate by storing the energy of the here-and-now (in thoughts, belief systems, behavioral patterns, self-concept, defense mechanisms, physical ailments, increased heart rates, etc.). I would love to explain the concept of the soul in this short article, but that seems unrealistic, so shoot me a message or read Singer’s book. As for this energy, Singer says we may unknowingly have patterns, systems, and reactions resisting or clinging to this energy. When a client releases or allows that stuck energy, it is like a dam finally able to release pent up pressure and energy. Think of Frozen 2 (see this scene for reference): the dam bursting is the release of emotions, and it can signal energy is getting released - you may be getting better!
So when things in therapy feel worse, this can be a good time to ask, where might I be experiencing a new area of openness or receptivity to myself, others, or the world? How might this opening or receiving be connected to feeling overwhelmed or flooded? What can I do to care for myself in this difficult time without resisting this release (if that is appropriate)?
I’m here now thinking of you in this difficult season. I hope you have support and you remember to be curious about what is awakening or transforming within you.
Hello, Grief, my old friend.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever experienced grief. Trick question: everyone would be raising their hands. Before you push back, consider grief as experienced on a continuum or across a range: grief is what we experience emotionally, mentally, physically, psychologically, and globally/culturally when a loss is perceived.
For example, a child drops his ice cream in the dirt and the five-second rule is not enough. This child experiences the grief of his perceived loss. We don’t scold the child for feeling sad or angry his ice cream is gone to his taste buds. We grieve with him and agree that it is sad. Of course, grief also shows up in the context of life-altering deaths or major transitions/changes. Whether our perceived loss was anticipated or unexpected, we will experience it.
Grief can be seen in anger, hopelessness, lethargy, apathy, denial, acceptance, regret, sadness, and even in meaning.
So take a moment to consider: what losses am I aware of and how is my grief expressing itself? Can I allow myself to sit in this expression of grief? Am I allowed to be [insert feeling here] about [insert perceived loss here]?
We are globally and culturally grieving the loss of what was before. If we don’t have spaces or places to express our grief, it may show up in unwanted or distressing ways like as depression, anxiety, or physical ailments. While these can be a common manifestation of grief, if it is impacting your ability to function, you may need more support. Please reach out if we can help connect you with resources because we don’t have to grieve alone.
Checking In
Hey friends,
I’m just wanting to check in with you today. How are you? What has been on your mind? Is there anything you want to celebrate together or is something troubling you?
I feel a little silly asking whoever might be on the other side of this post. It’s just I’m sensing a disconnection in the world around me. I wonder if it’s affecting you, too. The virus has in some ways invited life to slow down and at the same time life sped up for us, too.
For some of us, we’re scrambling to feel grounded or rooted. We miss the comforting structure of what was. Relationships may be creeping closer to your heart and your energy than before the world’s rhythms shifted. We’re internally screaming, crying, shouting — THIS IS NOT HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE — all while we attempt to survive in this new new.
Dear ones, I want you to do more than survive. I know we’re fighting and struggling with this transition. I wonder, too, if I must accept this cultural, global shift to begin to thrive in lieu of surviving. That’s part of my check in today - what are you fighting that is not giving or budging? Is there something you want to change that might be outside your sphere of control? I know I am, and I’d bet you are, too.
I want you to care for yourself in this season by acknowledging the monumental change you are still experiencing. If home is safe physically and emotionally, let this time be a time to practice mindfulness (use the Headspace app to learn or check out their youtube videos). If home is not a safe place to open up emotionally, and you’re finding yourself retreating to old places and patterns, find a friend, family member, or professional to whom you can share that tender place. If home is physically unsafe, please reach out to SAMHSA through their anonymous hotline or Al Anon for resources. If you need emergency assistance, call 911. If you do not have social support, reach out to these hotlines who want to help.
This is not dramatic. This is a difficult time for all of us. Please let me know how I can help support you in this time.
UPDATED 4/21/2020